To Hate Another
by Kazo Sakamari
Summary: Lily and Sirius have a little talk after Sirius sends Snape to the willow. Not quite what you might think...


So this is an odd little ficlet that came to mind the other day...It's a little different I suppose. My first time publishing something in first person, I rarely use that tense. I hope everyone likes it, and even if they don't I would love a review.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter.

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"Hey! Has anyone got a quill?" Sirius Black called out hopefully.

I fought the sudden urge to slap him. How can you not have a quill? We live at school, how on earth could he forget to bring a quill to class?

Instead of slapping Black I opted for an exasperated sigh and glanced at Remus who normally carried extra quills around with him just for Black and the others. Yet Remus, who was normally a rather sweet person, if a little shy, had his bad days like the rest of us, today seemed to be one of those days.

My mouth formed a thin line as Remus scowled and turned away from Black to engage Potter in some idiotic conversation.

The recent 'domestic' argument as I liked to call it, between the once inseparable Marauders was making life miserable for everyone at Hogwarts, including me.

Especially me.

Potter and Pettigrew carried on as normal, with the exception of being twice as loud and obnoxious, personally I thought this was their way of making up for their missing member, of course this was only made worse by the fact that Remus no longer even bothered to try to stop them anymore, he even joined in every now and then to my horror.

Black on the other hand, seeing as he seemed to have been kicked out of their little group had gone in the opposite direction and was now throwing parties left and right, sleeping with every girl he set his eyes on and skipping every class he could get away with. I hadn't had a good night's sleep since their little group split, two of my essays had been ruined by spilled fire whiskey and I was ready to punch the lights out of the next girl who mentioned how amazing Black was in bed.

I was sick of it all, as far as I was concerned they could all go throw themselves in the lake, except Black, who deserved to die a slow and painful death. As he was the sole reason all of this had happened.

It may have been my sleep deprived brain talking, but at the moment the idea that Black should be immediately removed from the face of the earth had my full support.

He had somehow, with one little action, turned my peaceful Gryffindor common room into a battleground of screaming matches, fireworks, outrageous pranks, snogging, fondling and drunken antics.

The penalty should be death.

It seemed a miracle to me that there was anyone in the Gryffindor house that was still alive and functioning, I mean honestly, between the drunken parties that Black threw, the 'domestic' rows that Potter and Remus got into, the incessant explosions that resulted from the rows, and just the general tension that hung in the air whenever the four of them turned up in the same room I knew I was about ready to snap, either that or faint from sleep deprivation.

"Anyone? Come on…" Black grumbled when Mary McDonald turned up empty and gave him an apologetic smile.

"I think Remus has an extra." Lydia Roberts a pretty Ravenclaw girl spoke up and every Gryffindor in the class inhaled sharply, waiting with baited breath for what was to come. That poor girl, so innocent and damn, I wish I knew how she got her hair to do that bun thing. She obviously hadn't been informed as to what had happened.

Lucky girl, she probably got to sleep more than four hours a night.

I must admit, it was interesting to watch as Black's face contorted into some unrecognizable emotion for a moment and then turn impassive. Funny how all the purebloods seemed to be able to turn their emotions on and off like that, with the exception of Potter of course. Anyone who bothered could read Potter like a book. Finally Black stopped staring at Lydia and turned to Remus, who was still pretending that he didn't notice him, even though the classroom was silent. When he spoke his voice was monotone and flat, his face stoic.

"Remus."

Another sigh escaped me and I tucked a stray red lock behind my ear. Normally I enjoyed Remus' company and held a high opinion of him, he's a good person, a good prefect, and on top of that he puts up with those bastards day and night. But in the past two weeks Remus had been acting just as childish as Potter normally did, which in my eyes, was the worst possible thing that could have happened to him.

I did however understand his anger towards Black, Severus had told me what happened, or parts of it (I suspect he's still keeping something from me). What I didn't understand was Remus' reaction to all of it, if it was me instead of Remus, Black would be six feet under. And honestly, if he kept acting like this he might still be.

"I'm sorry James, did you hear something?" I groaned, Remus was acting childish again.

_Bloody hell._

I tucked another red strand back and glared at the three remaining Marauders. Potter allowed himself only a quick glance at Black, his face full of such blatant malice that I was caught by surprise. I had thought that out of the three of them Potter would be the first to forgive Black, it was beginning to seem like I might be wrong.

"No, I didn't hear a thing. How about you Pete?" I raised an eyebrow as Pettigrew's eyes flickered back and forth between Black's impassive face to Remus' cold anger, I swear sometimes I could just see the gears turning that boy's head.

"I…I didn't hear anything." The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I scowled, I was sick of all of this. Why couldn't they all just get over it already? I mean, when it gets to the point where I miss the times when they were all friends then it must be bad.

There was another beat of silence and then Black stood, his chair scrapping against the floor loudly.

"Fine. Fine! Fuck you Potter!" Black snapped, roughly grabbing his bag, books and papers flying everywhere as he stormed out of the classroom after upturning a bottle of ink right onto Potter's essay. The door slammed behind him echoing in the silent classroom for a moment before the whispers and gossip started.

"Honestly you three!" I snapped at the three boys, gathering up some of Black's parchment and forgotten books and shoving them into my own bag. Remus looked about ready to decapitate the next person that walked into his field of view, Pettigrew looked like he might piss his pants, and Potter…

Potter just sat there stared at his ruined essay muttering, "that fucking bastard! I'm going to kill him!"

"What the hell is wrong with you all?" I snapped as I grabbed my own textbook and hurried out of the classroom calling after Black.

"Black! Black! Get back here this instant!" Black, who had been making for the great hall slowed and turned to stare at me, that same blank look on his face somehow made him look all the more attractive instead of making him look like drooling idiot. Not that I had ever thought Sirius Black was attractive, he was a pretentious self absorbed asshole, and a bully to top it all off. He did have nice hair though.

"What do you want Evans?" I shoved his forgotten things into his arms and gave him my best _you're in trouble_ look.

"I heard what you did to Severus," Black stiffened, his eyes narrowing, "That's what you and Potter are fighting about isn't it?"

"And where did you hear that?"

"Severus told me." I waved my hand impatiently."That's what you're fighting about right?"

He made to walk away, but I snagged the back of his robes, spinning him around to face me again.

"What the hell Black? What is going _on_?"

"It's none of your bloody business." His tone was sharp and cold, so different from his normal joking tone, it was kind of unnerving now that I thought about it.

"You nearly killed my best friend, I think that makes it my business Black." A small smile played at the corners of his lips.

"He wasn't your best friend last month when you had a screaming match in the great hall now was he Evans? What was it again that he said? Something about you being just another little mud-" I could almost feel the heat radiating off my body, I was sure that my face was pink, if not tomato red by now.

"That's not the point!" I snapped.

"The point is how could you do that to Severus, to Remus? What were you thinking?" His facial expression didn't change, but when he spoke his voice shook slightly, whether from anger or something else I couldn't tell.

"It's not your problem Evans, Snivellus was sticking his greasy nose where it didn't belong. He got what was coming to him."

"So he was being nosy, that means it's justified to kill him? You're just another pretentious self obsessed asshole, you think of yourself and only yourself. You make me sick!" Black chuckled, what he found amusing in this I didn't know, but the laughing was a little…frightening almost.

"You don't know a damned thing about me Evans. You don't know shit, and it'd do you good if you stopped thinking you did, because you're just going to come to the wrong conclusion every time." He smiled darkly at me and a small flash of fear rippled through my body.

"You don't know shit about anything Evans, You think that little grease ball cares about you?" He taunted, spitting the words out.

"That he doesn't think you just another mudblood bitch like the rest of them, you think he doesn't play around with the dark arts, that he doesn't run around with the little junior Death Eaters like he's on some bloody high horse, looking down of the rest of us blood traitors and muggle scum? You think he doesn't get some sort of sick gratification out of hexing me? Of being the little tattle tale, always putting us in the hospital wing?"

Black took a step towards me, that same dark smirk on his lips. I stumbled on the uneven floor as I hurriedly backed away from him. My back hit something hard and I cursed, he had backed me into the wall.

Good going Lily. What a brilliant idea this was, sure, have fun going after Sirius Black, it'll be easy to talk sense into him. Because you can fix his problems all by yourself Lily, of course you can.

_Not._

He towered over me, I had never realized just how much taller he was until now. With him so close I could smell his aftershave. Minty.

Damn it Lily! He's backed you into a wall and looks about ready to snap your neck and all you can think about is his aftershave! I tried to mentally compose myself and focus on getting out of this precarious situation. Black's voice had dropped a few decibels and was now more a dangerous whisper, hissing in my ear.

"I can tell you a lot about your slime ball boyfriend Evans, he'll throw you under the bus someday, dump you for the chance to get one of his precious dark marks. You're his safety, his backup plan. You're where he'll crawl when it all goes to hell and no one else will take him anymore."

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, I was sure that my heart rate had just jumped to twice its previous speed. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears as Black leaned down his lips just barely brushing my ear. His soft whisper voicing the doubts in my mind that I never had the courage to say. I couldn't bring myself to form a retort, my voice seemed to have abandoned me.

I squirmed as Black moved closer, his breath tickling my ear, a small droplet of cold sweat rolled down my forehead.

"You don't know shit Evans." I couldn't think straight anymore, everything he was saying was making sense, but in a strange twisted way, I couldn't think straight…

My breath hitched in my throat as Black moved away, his silver eyes following me. So cold, I felt so cold looking into them. He was wrong. That wasn't true, Sev would never…he wouldn't do that to me. Right? But Sev was a Slytherin, they were famous for always having a back door, a way out…

No. Sev wouldn't. He just wouldn't. Or would he?

Black's normally pale silver eyes were dark, shadowed by his long hair, but I had a bad feeling that it wasn't the shadows that made them so dark. His eyes looked so empty…haunted almost.

"You think you know everything about everybody Evans, you live up there on your high horse, the perfect little prefect, daddy's little girl, the pride of family. Always following the rules, keeping out of trouble." His lips curled back into something resembling a smile.

"You think you've got it bad because your sister hates you? Bullshit. You can pretend all you want Evans, but I can see through it. You think just because it doesn't show, all that anger, all those bad grades, all those words you'd like to spit in my face. That just because you never say them, that you're a better person because of it? You think you're a nicer person? That you'll get a free pass to heaven when you die because of it?"

The smile disappeared and in its place a thin lipped frown formed.

"It's all bullshit, all of it." He half sounded as if he was still trying to convince himself of it.

"You're just full of bullshit Evans, so don't try to pull that with me. I know you Evans, better than you know me."

"To hate another is to hate yourself Black!"* I stammered out, my voice suddenly deciding to work again as I tried to inch away from him, the words spilling from my mouth before I even realized what I had said. I faintly remembered the saying being from one of my mother's self help books.

The expression that came across his face made the pit of fear in my stomach double in size.

I shut my eyes tight, knowing that even if I tried there was no way to talk sense into Black now, that I'd be better off just accepting what was coming. Instead of the snarl that I was expecting, I heard laughter.

Slowly peeling my eyes open, I saw that Black had stepped back a few paces, doubled over in laughter. The sudden change in his demeanor made me weak at the knees. That was just creepy how his mood changed so fast.

After a moment the laughter died down and he seemed to get a hold of himself once again. He straightened and gave me one last look with those dark eyes.

"Maybe you know more than I give you credit for Evans." He chuckled grabbing a tighter hold of his bag and making his way to the doors. This time I didn't bother to stop him, but he paused for a moment as he stepped outside, a cold draft wafting over me. He wasn't looking at me, but instead out at the darkening rain clouds that were gathering as he spoke.

"Watch yourself Evans, Snape is just as dangerous as I am. Keep an eye out, just in case." He paused for a moment, still looking out at the darkening sky. "Thanks for bringing my stuff."

The door clattered shut and my legs finally gave out and I slid down the wall, shaking.

Fucking Black.

That fucking bastard, how dare he…and Severus…

And what did he mean I knew more than he thought? Does he mean that he hates himself?

How stupid can you be to think you had Sirius Black pegged Lily? To think you could solve this whole bloody mess by yourself, you should know better Lily.

Let that asshole Potter sort it out, he and Black deserve each other. But Black was right about this, that little doubtful voice said in the back of my head. He was right this time, what else is he right about?

You don't know anything about Sirius Black, he's way more complicated than you thought. Way more dangerous than you ever thought.

But I know Sev. I tried to calm my heart rate down, which was going about a million kilometers a minute. Yes, I know Severus like I know myself, Sev would never do that to me. No, Sev is my best friend. Right?

Right? I asked myself. God damn Black. I hated Black, I hated him so much. I dropped my head onto my knees, my mind already filling with self doubt over every little thing. He was so bloody confusing, so bloody complicated. So _not_ what I had expected.

"I hate you Sirius Black." I murmured to myself, still trying to calm down.

"Evans." I lifted my head just enough to see James Potter standing over me, looking faintly sick, his brows gathered together with worry.

Great, just what I need. Potter. More bloody confusing men.

"G-go to hell Potter. And take Black with you." Potter knelt down to my level, one hand gently brushing my hair from my face.

"He didn't touch you did he? He didn't hurt you?" His voice cracked at the end, like a teenage boy going through puberty. If I was in my right mind I probably would have laughed.

Instead I just shivered from a nonexistent breeze and shook my head.

"N-no." Relief crossed his face, whether it was for me or Black I wasn't sure. Potter ran a hand through his hair gruffly and turned away.

"Remus?"

I glanced behind Potter and realized that he wasn't alone, Remus and Pettigrew were here too, bent over some piece of parchment that I couldn't make out.

"He's not on the castle grounds anymore, if we hurry we might be able to catch him before he leaves Hogsmead."

Potter nodded absentmindedly before turning back to me and hauling me to my feet, putting his hands on my shoulders steadying me.

"Why don't you go take a nap Evans, we-" he gestured vaguely at his friends behind him, "got you out of class, you have a free period now. If anyone asks you weren't feeling well."

"O-oh…"

He bent down grabbing my book bag from where it had fallen and hooked it over my shoulder, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Don't worry about Sirius, we'll take care of him." He gave me a little shove in the direction of the common room before grabbing his own book bag a little tighter and nodding to his mates as they slipped out the castle doors.

I stared after them for a second before hurrying to the Common Room where I collapsed on a chair near the fire and tried to forget about my entire morning, doubts about Severus swirling around in my head.

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* "To hate another is to hate yourself." Brian Adams 'How To Succeed'

(The point of this was to show that Sirius isn't happy with who he is, and is sorry about the Prank. He just refuses to say it. I'm not sure if I got that across...)

Well...? What did you think?

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